I can vividly remember walking up the stairs from my bedroom to the kitchen only to see my mother preparing it. There were only three simple ingredients to this meal. It should not have been a big deal to me. But, as a young teen it was one of those meals that never set well with me. The meal would typically be prepared on a Sunday before we went to church as a family. The oven would be set to cook during the service and be ready to eat once we returned home. Upon arrival, the front door would open to the house and the smell would greet me right in my face. Roast. Potatoes. Carrots. My favorite (catch my sarcasm?). I would do my dead level best to eat what I could, but it was a battle. It was a battle that I just hated to fight. I can still hear the words of my mom and dad, as they would tell me, “now you may not like it right now, but one day you may.” What impresses me the most today, as I look at that battle, is the fact that my parents did not provoke me with that meal. That meal was not served every Sunday. In fact, it was very rare that we even had that meal. My parents did not tie my hands and force feed me the meal. They were gracious and encouraged me to do my best to finish what I could, knowing that this meal would be much better for me than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (my go to). My parents set a table for me, in which I was not provoked, I was also not allowed to pass and eat what I wanted, but I was pushed to grow in my appetite for something I did not care for.
Ephesians 6:1-2 are the go to verses for any parent. Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;).
It is so easy to whip out these verses and demand the obedience and the honor of our children. When they don’t obey we jump into action as the authority figure, and we should. But parents, please do not stop short of reading verse four when enforcing this passage.
Ephesians 6:4 And ye, fathers, provoke not your child to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.
I have always read this verse with the initial thought of: my kids rarely get angry at my parenting…so this is no problem here.
I must admit, I was wrong. What a prideful thought. As I studied this passage out, I have come to the conclusion that I need victory in this area as a parent. There are times that I have failed this passage. I have provoked my children to anger.
The word provoke means: to bring alongside with anger; to exasperate; to embitter
You mean it does not just mean to make my children angry? That is what my study has shown me to be true.
With that definition in mind, provoking my children can rear its destructive head in the form of:
Excessive or severe punishment - Am I quick to punish in a wrong spirit, and in doing so give a punishment in anger and not in love?
Fleshly confrontation - Do I show the characteristics of the Holy Spirit when I confront? Or is the flesh winning.
Unreasonable expectations - i.e. I expect you to be asleep in five minutes or else: I may, as an adult after a long day, fall asleep the moment my head hits my pillow. But do we really expect our active children’s body/mind to do the same? Do I really expect them to walk through a store with me without saying or doing something embarrassing? When they fall and scrape their knees, do we really expect them to not cry? I must remember they are little people.
Abuse of my authority - Has my parenting become pharisaical? Am I all law and no grace? Are there consequences to actions? Yes, and we should be teaching our children this. But isn’t there such a thing as grace? Rachel and I have found ample opportunity to sit down with a child that has disobeyed or dishonored and is broken over their actions, to teach them about the grace that God shows us. Do they see the grace of our heavenly Father through me?
Arbitrariness or unfairness - Am I consistent with the consequences? Does the punishment match the offense? Does my punishment for this particular child make them feel singled out and wonder why we are hard on them and not their siblings?
A Critical Spirit - If my children do not meet my expectations in the classroom, on the field of play or in life in general, am I critical in my speech towards them? (I cannot believe you __________)
Vexation through nagging - Am I constantly bringing up past faults and weaknesses? (you are always __________)
Comparing children to others - Am I comparing my children with each other? (you see your sister/brother, you need to be more like them) Am I comparing my children to other people’s children? (so and so’s child would never do what you just did.)
What does this provocation do to my child?
My child may be provoke to anger if they have/are:
An embittered spirit
Discouraged heart
Spirit of anger
Holding grudges
Lack respect and honor
Hardened heart
Children, obey and honor - Parents, do not provoke, but bring them up.
We are both addressed.
This is a team effort.
We are commanded to not provoke. We are also commanded not to pass up this responsibility and be absent. We cannot pass the baton of parenting that has been entrusted to us. We are commanded to bring them up in the Lord. Push your children to Christ!
“Children are not property to manipulate, they are souls to push into the kingdom.” - Dr. Samuel Stephens
If anything, this blog has been a compilation of what God has been teaching Rachel and me as parents. God has brought me to my knees, realizing that I need Him! I need His love. I need His grace. I need His wisdom. I NEED HIM!
The table that we prepare for our children will provoke them, pass on them (leave them to themselves) or push them into the kingdom of our dear Father!
What table are you setting up for your child?
Guess what…my parents were right. I do actually kind of like a good roast meal now and then.
Food for thought from my table.
Stay strong in the power of His might, parents!
Comentarios